Conservative Donnybrook

On this day when the temperature last I checked in Indianapolis was minus three degrees Fahrenheit, that would be -3° F for those of you who are digitally inclined, and -19.4 C for our European friends, I have officially made the switch to aerosol cans for all of my underarm needs. If, that is, I can still find spray-on deodorant. It occurs to me that the only people who could possibly be put off in any way about the scare mongering which is global warming are those who live in temperate (for now) climates. In Florida and San Diego, if the hinterlands warm, there is little need for us to travel to your states/cities on vacation. On the other hand, it might play havoc with the ice fishing industry in Minnesota, by reducing it by a couple weeks. But, after all, who is interested in ice fishing? (Other than my father who seems to have a sort of obsession with sitting in a canvas shack freezing his ass off and telling his grandkids that the suffering they are experiencing is “fun.”)

As for me, I welcome global warming and its salutory effect it will have on my home. Indeed, it might forestall my wife’s insistent calls for me to take another bar exam in a warmer climate. For that reason alone, I am trading in my Mazda for a Hummer and switching to aerosol cans wherever possible.

UPDATE: Eek! Now that I look (a couple hours later it is 10° F! Global warming is true. Look what has happened in the last few hours! (Indeed, it is scary, but it feels downright balmy out there now after the last two days).

Andruw Jones and the Los Angeles Dodgers have parted ways!  After a dismal season in which Jones’ batting average was only slightly higher than my grandmother’s age and much lower than his weight, Jones rode a rail out of SoCal.  But it was an expensive rail.  The Dodgers will still have to pony up Jones’ salary though most of it deferred for a number of years.  After unsuccessfully shopping around for a trade, the Dodgers agreed to simply release the fat boy.  Rumors are spreading that Jones could make a return to Atlanta where over eating and low job performance are more than acceptable to the average resident.

Does anyone remember an event like this?  A complete collapse of skill and drive?  Does anyone recall a player simply being released after one year in spite of earning a franchise record salary?  Does anyone else think it suspicious that soon after baseball banned “performance enhancing drugs” that Jones could not hit, run or stay in shape?

I say good riddance, Mr. Jones, and stay out of California.