Conservative Donnybrook

If she can do it, she has my vote…Where’s McCain?

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The famous British breakfast is under attack. The classic British breakfast is composed of “two rashers of crisp backbacon, British outdoor-reared pork sausage, two griddled eggs, whole-cup mushrooms, crispy sauté potatoes, fresh griddled tomato, Heinz baked beans and toasted or fried extra-thick bloomer bread.” According to the cantankerous author casting aspersions on such a great spread, hash browns “are dismissed as “ghastly manifestations of American imperialism” (damned uppity colonials).”

Well, this uppity colonial takes umbrage at the notion that hash browns (or better yet, corned beef hash, which failed to get a mention) are so lightly dismissed.

Mr. Coren, you might hate the fattening fare, and in particular, hash browns, and you might even prefer porridge (PORRIDGE?!). But, let me ask you this: Which tastes better?

I’ve never eaten backbacon and have no idea how it tastes, but I must say that it contains the word “bacon” and that gives me hope. I have to think that backbacon tastes better than porridge. Do you want to live forever? While the classic British breakfast sounds wonderful, I will still go with my favorite American breakfast - Two biscuits, topped by three scrambled eggs, with a side of crispy hash browns and the whole works covered in sausage gravy. Take that, you British oppressors!

Next thing you know, they’re going to try to tell us that being fat is bad!

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Make that “Feeways.”  The MTA in Los Angeles has voted to take make several lanes on our local freeways toll lanes.  While this is not new to many parts of the nation, we here in southern California cherish our freeway system.  We already pay tax on gasoline to fund freeway improvements and maintenance.  Toll lanes will simply increase traffic in the non-toll lanes (while they still exist) and give higher income drivers the benefit of a quicker commute at the expense of the middle and lower classes.

Please, write Mayor Villaraigosa and let him know that this is a horrible plan and should not be implemented. 

Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa 
200 North Spring St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
Fax at (213) 978-0655

mayor@lacity.org

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Online shopping just became more taxing for NYers.  As of June 1, large online retailers, a la Amazon, will be forced to charge state and local sales taxes to online customers’ purchases.  Hopefully, this won’t apply to The Strand, although can’t help but think it somehow will.  At least Mayor Bloomberg’s congestion tax didn’t pass.

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Given the Jets’ perennial draft woes, it won’t matter if Darren McFadden is on the Board at No. 6.

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From WaPo’s The Trail:

Fast forward to 2:20 or so to hear Bubba’s wishful thinking:

If we were under the Republican system, which is more like the Electoral College, she’d have a 300-delegate lead here…I mean, Senator McCain is already the nominee because they chose a system to produce that result, and we don’t have a nominee here, because the Democrats chose a system that prevents that result.

Michael Novak agrees.  But for the Dems archane utopianism (pseudo-socialism) Hillary would have already been the nominee and Republicans could breathe a little easier.

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…at any cocktail party with these simple rules courtesy of Dave Barry.

To this I would add, play nice with your local Applebee’s bartender and politely ask him to “back you up” on dollar drafts after the first happy hour.  If played correctly, you should be able to imbibe enough inexpensive Bud to last you through to the second happy hour and thus avoid paying full price.  By the start of the second happy hour, any inhibitions with regard to speaking on any number of topics should have dissipated and you’ll be ready to argue almost anything, e.g. boxing is a more popular sport than soccer worldwide.

Better yet, move in with your local Applebee’s bartender during your third year of law school for ubiquitous dollar drafts from noon to close.

(HT: Karl and Dave)

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Gentlemen, it would appear that yesterday was Earth Day and somehow we let it slide by without comment. People are going to begin thinking we don’t care about the environment. Let us try to do better next year.

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Ok, I admit it: I’ve become a big Howard Stern fan as of late.  Granted, I dismiss Stern’s politics as uninformed and despise his dictatorial demeanor.  But for what Stern lacks in political acumen and humility, Artie Lange makes up for with working-man wit and genuineness.  This is why I was saddened to learn that Artie had quit the show for a second time. 

We will find out for certain whether or not Artie files for unemployment come Monday, but in the meantime New York Magazine is rumoring that “Lange is gone for good, and new comedians will begin auditioning for his job when the show returns.”  Should this be the case, your Sirius radio will be as worthless as a share of Countrywide stock.  Without Artie, expect the show to return to Jackie Martling-era vapidity.

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There’s a relatively new blog dedicated solely to stuff that white people like.  I’m not the type to “LOL,” but this really got me.  Not only is the analysis of said “stuff” spot on, but I think the deadpan delivery has finally made its comeback.

Of particular interest is #11.  But read them all when you have the time.

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This shiny happy Muslim cleric and Hamas member has a pretty somber forecast for the city of the pope:

Very soon, Allah willing, Rome will be conquered, just like Constantinople was, as was prophesized by our Prophet Muhammad. Today, Rome is the capital of the Catholics, or the Crusader capital, which has declared its hostility to Islam…

Damn blowback.

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Especially the shit show that is the FLDS polygamy hearing.  Some hilights:

• [B]ig-city lawyers in suits and mothers in 19th-century, pioneer-style dresses, all packed into a courtroom and a nearby auditorium connected by video
• By late afternoon only two witnesses had testified, and both only to lay the foundation for documents to be admitted
• The hearing disintegrated quickly into a barrage of shouted objections and attempts to file motions, with lawyers for the children objecting to objections made by the parents’ attorneys. When the judge sustained an objection to the prolonged questioning of the state trooper, the lawyers cheered
• [Judge] Walther refused to put medical records and other evidence in electronic form, which could be e-mailed among the lawyers, because it contained personal information. A courier had to run from the courthouse to the auditorium delivering one document at a time
• The first attempt to admit evidence resulted in an hourlong recess while all the lawyers examined it
• In the satellite courtroom, about 175 people strained to see and hear a large projector set up on the auditorium’s stage. But the feed was blurry and barely audible

Video of the hearing can be found here.

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Kellen Clemens is one lucky man.  And not just because he plays for the most storied franchise in NFL history.  Yesterday, Pope Benedict “blessed and kissed” his newborn daughter after the open-air mass at Nationals Park.  Said Clemens of the experience:

My eyes welled up with tears, it was such a moving experience…I don’t really know if we fully understand just how special it was. That’s a direct descendant of Peter, and there he is giving a blessing and a kiss to our child.

Prediction: After Clemens beats out Chad “Handle With Care” Pennington for the starting job, he throws for 12,995 yards and 72 TD passes, leading the Jets to their second Super Bowl victory over the Indianapolis Colts in as many tries.

Update: After hearing of Kellen Clemens’ welling up at Benedict’s blessing Roger Clemens (no relation) phoned Hal Steinbrenner, requesting tickets for tomorrow’s mass at Yankee stadium.  The Rocket looks to have his own baby blessed by His Holiness.

Update II: Rex Grossman, not to be outdone, has procured the services of Chibukak Chinook, an Inuit Shaman, to exorcise William “Refrigerator” Perry’s demon from Soldier Field.

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Chad Johnson is demanding to be dealt before the NFL draft, and the Jets could really use a star receiver not named Laveranues Coles, who caught a paltry 55 passes last year and stands 5′8″ if he’s an inch.

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Not in my lifetime.

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Does anyone else find the timing of the two “visits” taking place this week ironic?

First, there is Pope Benedict’s visit to the U.S., whose agenda it is to, first and foremost, “remind people about the gospel’s message of salvation in Christ.”  While liberal spindoctors will misappropriate the Pope’s visit as a call to end the war in Iraq and put an end to human rights abuses,  Benedict places primacy on his duty to shepherd his flock of American Roman Catholics.  This much is clear from his White House speech earlier this morning:

…I am happy to be here as a guest of all Americans. I come as a friend, a preacher of the Gospel and one with great respect for this vast pluralistic society. America’s Catholics have made, and continue to make, an excellent contribution to the life of their country. As I begin my visit, I trust that my presence will be a source of renewal and hope for the Church in the United States, and strengthen the resolve of Catholics to contribute ever more responsibly to the life of this nation, of which they are proud to be citizens.

While the Holy Father looks after his American flock, Jimmy Carter will be shepherding Hamas in the West Bank and Cairo, despite protests from Israel and the Bush administration.  Carter, who brokered the Israeli-Egyptian peace treaty in 1979, hopes to broker an agreement between Hamas, a designated terrorist group, and Fatah, the PLO’s political arm.  Fatah, remember, lost its majority in the Palestinian parliament in 2006 and resigned all cabinet positions thereafter.  Carter, besides legitimizing Hamas, “sends the message that Hamas need not fret over the designation-he is willing to accept the group as it is, terrorism notwithstanding, and others may well follow.”

So while Benedict blesses the American people with his message of salvation, Carter, quite antithetically, defies American-Israeli interests by empowering a terrorist group committed to violence.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Jimmy.

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Remember the 2004 Republican convention?  It wasn’t too long ago.  Zell Miller, the Georgia Democrat, gave a fiery speech supporting Bush’s reelection and criticizing Democrats’ inability to connect with the American people.  He railed against Kerry, his voting record, and his seeming desire to weaken U.S. military strength.

Now, in 2008, Joe Lieberman looks to take up Miller’s legacy.  The Hill reports that the 2000 Democratic Veep nominee is “leaving open the possibility” of delivering McCain’s keynote address at September’s convention:

If Sen. McCain, who I support so strongly, asked me to do it, if he thinks it will help him, I will.

As long as Lieberman stays away from social issues and focuses his attention on security, the Democrat-turned-Independant may prove crucial in securing those curried-for swing votes that have had the tendency to elect presidents, as of late.

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After the devastating fires in Southern California last year and particulalry in Griffith Park, a new threat has emerged to the once pristine natural environment: Sierra Club members.  Some of the more advanced members of the 100+ year old organization have been trampling plant life, disturbing natural animal habitats and otherwise contributing to the destruction of the already sensitive habitat in this critical area.  It seems as if the ego of some members has become more important to them than the environment the claim to cherish.  

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Happy Dyngus Day! On this day in 966, Poland became a Christian nation. And, on this day in 2008, it is one of the few left. Go find a beer and a polka band and celebrate the greatness of being Polish (even if, like me, you are not).

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I’m just glad they didn’t play in Tampa.

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